Powerful and Happy

This morning I woke up feeling beautiful, strong, powerful, and genuinely happy. I looked at my imperfect body and crazy hair in the mirror and smiled at my reflection. Though I was tired, I got dressed with energy and every new breath seemed to fill me with passion and excitement about the day. As I walked down the hill to breakfast, I marveled at how perfectly my joints and muscles worked together to carry me wherever I wanted to go, and I felt that tingle in my chest that lets you know you are not only alive, but living. I smiled all through breakfast and as I walked to the outdoor chapel, noticing for the first time this summer the beauty of the collage created by each individual leaf and twig around me. I tuned my guitar, practiced a little bit for worship, and then, still smiling sat down on a bench and worship began.

I really was paying attention... For real. As I sat there, I got that nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I mentally ran through my morning checklist and verified that I had indeed accomplished everything that needed to be done. I listened to the words of the message and tried to overcome the feeling, which increased with fervent vigor in response. I played a couple of songs and sat down again. As I closed my eyes for a prayer, I remembered...

Several years ago I had been sitting in the exact same spot I was in this morning. I had felt warmed, like one feels after eating oatmeal or drinking rich hot chocolate. We did worship in the evenings back then and it was late enough in the summer that the sun had begun setting as we were there. I had opened my eyes after a prayer and looked up to the sky to discover it filled with small clouds, vibrantly white on top and vividly orange on the bottom. The sky was soft pink fading into blue and the trees around me hummed with the vibration of living things, glorifying God simply by being who and what God created them to be. As I sat there, I remember thinking that there was nothing in the world more beautiful, until I remembered that God felt the same thing about me. In that instant, years ago, I realized for the first time how deeply God loved me.

This morning's memory of that moment was so brilliant that I can't believe I had forgotten it in the first place. It has been forever since I thought about that sky and since I remembered that love. With my eyes closed, all I could do was mouth the words to God... I remember.

The rest of the day today has followed in the same suit. Everything I have done, even the most mundane task, has caused me to smile. My spirit is so calm, yet I am scintillatingly aware of its presence, beauty, and aliveness. I have an overwhelming desire to create and a joy in just being.

I began this summer with a prayer for God to show me once again who I am. The whole summer has led to this point, and I am excited and ready to return to my life with a rejuvenated awareness of myself. I am also glad to say that through my self rediscovery, I have seen a little bit more of who God is. Mainly I am encouraged that even when I forget myself, God doesn't forget me.

Thank you God, for remembering.