Desiring Connection

I have a paper to write. My house is an absolute disaster. I ought to grade papers and plan for tomorrow. I need to do my taxes. I've still not yet organized my budget for April. My clothes are all dirty.

But tonight I feel the need to connect. I've been terribly busy with the stuff of life recently, and haven't taken much time to rest in who God created me to be and connect with the people God has placed in my life. I have great excuses for both problems, but I don't accept excuses from other people, so why should I believe my own excuses are valid?

My excuse for not resting in who God created me to be is that I just don't have time. There is simply too much that I HAVE to do for me to sit down and write, or play the piano or guitar, or create something beautiful, or read for pleasure. There are dishes piled up in my sink and research to conduct for school. There are always, ALWAYS stacks of papers waiting for my pink pen to deface them, and parents to call, and lessons to plan. While getting things done does often make me feel better, it does not fulfill me. I have allowed myself to become a machine for doing things that ultimately, in the long run, don't really matter all that much. My spiritual well being, however, is kind of important.

My excuse for not being connected to my friends is that by the time I come home from school, where I've had to be Miss Extrovert, all I want to do is curl up and hide in a corner. This is true, but it is also lame. I am ultimately introverted, but reading messages from friends on facebook is hardly intrusive. Who do I think I am, anyway? I NEED connection with other people at the very core of my being. It's my own fault I've been so disconnected, and it's my own fault I've suffered from it.

Allison Markwood... if you'll have me, I'd like to reconnect with you. God gave you some pretty awesome qualities that I'd like to rediscover.

Friends... if you'll have me, I'd like to reconnect with you also. I can't be completely fulfilled while neglecting the relationships with the amazing people God has placed in my life.